I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
