This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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