You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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