sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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