I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
accomplished twins. life is a go
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
