You can't special order awesome
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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