Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
