He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
