You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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