my sisters under your porch take her home
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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