You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
