is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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