Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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