so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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