i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
