those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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