Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
