i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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