I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
