Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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