I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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