got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
