i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
