Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
