I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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