I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
