We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
