Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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