So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
