Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
