What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
