Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
