my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I only lived at night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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