I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
