Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
