My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
