I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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