My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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