omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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