you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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