I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
