Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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