we're blogging at a bar
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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