He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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