so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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