Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
