Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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