I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
