we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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