My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
