hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
