i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
